today's joke

[artomatic]

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon.
DEMON: Why are you so glum?
GUY: What do you think ? I'm in hell.
DEMON: Hell isn't that bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a Drinking man ?
GUY: Sure I love to drink.
DEMON: Well your going to love Mondays then, that's all we do is drink.Tequila, Whiskey, Guinness, wine, Gin We drink it all, We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more.
GUY: Gee, that sounds great.
DEMON: You a smoker ?
GUY: You better believe it.
DEMON: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer it doesn't matter cause your already dead.
GUY: No shit!
DEMON: I bet you like to gamble.
GUY: Yes as a matter of fact I do.
DEMON: Good because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, Blackjack, Horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow table.
GUY: Hmmmmm, I never played pai gow before...
DEMON: Well now you can. Do you like to do drugs ?
GUY: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...
DEMON: That's right! Thursday's drug day. You can help yourself to a great big bowl of Crack,Smack, L S D,you can roll a joint the size of a submarine, you can do all the drugs that you want, and if you overdose, it's okay.. Your already dead
GUY: Yeah! I never realized what a swingin' place hell would be.
DEMON: You gay ?
GUY: Uhhhhh No.
DEMON: Ooooh (grimaces) You're gonna hate Fridays.

[NumeroUno]

That is classic!!!!

[WildRoseCoach]

An old man was in the hospital for a surgery. The night before he is to go under the knife, his stomach cramps up and without warning he craps all over his bed. Not wanting to call the nurse to clean up, he gathers all the sheets and throws them out of the window.

Meanwhile a drunk is stumbling down the sidewalk when the sheet lands on him. A hospital security guard watches the drunk fight with the sheet to remove it from his head. After several punches the drunk wrestles the sheet off him.

Snickering, the security guard walks up to the drunk and asks, "What's going on here?"

The drunk replies, "I'm not sure, but I think I just kicked the sh*t out of a ghost"

[SoCalFP]

On the first day of class, a 4th grade school teacher in San Francisco asks her class, “How many of you are 49er fans?” Every child in the class raises their hand, except for one young girl.

“You’re not a 49er fan?” the teacher asks the girl. “Well no,” she responds. “We just moved her from Denver. My mom and my dad were born in Denver, and they have been Denver Bronco fans their entire lives. So I’m a Denver Bronco fan too.”

So then the teacher says, “Well honey, you know, just because your parents are something, doesn’t mean you have to be the same thing. You have a right to be your own person and make your own choices in life. For example, let’s say your dad was a drug dealer and your mom was a prostitute. What would that make you?”

“A Raiders fan,” the girl responds.

[umpinva]

I know how much you enjoy that morning cup!!!!!!

1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5.CLICK ON 'OPEN' NJOY!
Don't forget to click on 'OPEN'!!!

COFFEE MACHINE: http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flas ... 404_01.swf