Parents: Don't Talk to High School Coaches!!!!

[catchingcoach]

I recently posed this topic on a baseball forum and it created alot of great debate. Thought I might see how the softball community views the topic.


I have been reading on many forums for years that parents should never talk to the high school coaches of their children. I have been told that it is one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make.

I have a question…..WHY?

Now I am the parent of 3 sons (my 13 yr old daughter is a dancer) that have all graduated from high school, all 3 played multiple sports. So I do have experience with the environment. I also have coached at the high school level as well.

What makes high school athletic coaches so special that a high school parent is not allowed to talk about their child’s performance or participation in that program? When did those high school educators step out from underneath the covering of the rest of the school staff?

What makes high coaches so special?

As far as I am concerned, NOTHING.

They are no more special then all of the other educators that are employed by that school district. In most towns funded by the tax dollars of the parents of the students that play for them. These educators we call coaches are bound by the same mission statement as the rest of the faculty…..aren’t they?

No one would ever think twice about going to Mr Smith the Math teacher and discussing their child’s performance in math class. We would want Mr Smith the Math teacher to explain how our child is doing, what are our child’s strengths and weaknesses, what she needs to do better in the class, what she needs to do for next year to be able to take the advanced classes. No one would flinch at that meeting.


BUT, people say no parent should ever try and talk to Mr Smith, (now the softball coach after school) about how their child is doing on Mr Smith’s team, what her strengths and weaknesses are, why she is not being allowed to participate much in that school program, what she will need to do for next year to make the Varsity team.

When did Mr Smith stop being a high school EDUCATOR. When did he get the authority to not have to discuss the performance of one of the schools students.When he walked out onto the field? I look forward to hearing peoples thoughts.

Lets try and keep the responses focused on High School teams….not travel, select or any other sports teams. Just relate to High School Sports and High School coaches.

Let’s hear if the problem is more how parents ask, when they ask, or where they ask rather then just asking being the problem.

Or is it just plain and simple…you don’t talk to high school coaches about your kid.

[almosthuman]

In So Cal, many of the high school coaches are no longer educators. They are folks who have the time and are compensated with a small stipend to coach. Since they are not teachers, the analogy of speaking with the Math teacher does not apply.

Many have big egos and are lacking people skills.

[catchingcoach]

In So Cal, many of the high school coaches are no longer educators. They are folks who have the time and are compensated with a small stipend to coach. Since they are not teachers, the analogy of speaking with the Math teacher does not apply.

Many have big egos and are lacking people skills.

So does that mean that even though they are a school district employee, they may feel they are not bound by any code of conduct that "teachers" may be held to?

[SoCalFP]

I don't think any high school softball coach would have a problem speaking to a parent concerning the skills of their child, or methods on how to improvemetn them. However, more often than not, these discussions take on a different tone, such as "why isn't my DD playing shortstop" or "pitching more." These are discussions that the high school coach has every right to reduce or eliminate. It is there team.

I had one of these conversations prior to my daughter's second varsity season. She had been a fairly decent travel ball pitcher and was the high school's #1. But I had some concerns over his pitch calling, as he didn't call a change-up much if at all. After explaining what a great change-up my daughter had, and how that pitch had made her successful in travel ball, the coach said, "Well, thank you for your comments. But this is my team and I'll call the pitches the way I feel the should be called." That was the last time I ever spoke to him about what I thought was right.

I have a lot of respect for him to this day, especially due to the fact that during this same season, the father of the #2 pitcher went to him to discuss his displeasure with the fact that his daughter wasn't pitching much, if at all. He stated that as freshmen, the two almost equally split the innings. The coach listened and replied, "I can understand your frustration, but (my DD) is a better pitcher and she will do a bulk of the pitching." That's honesty and directly to the point. A lot of parents couldn't handle that much honesty.

[DodgerBlue's]

I wonder if many stay away from high school coaches because of the stereotype "he is playing her here or there becase the parents talked to the coach, or she made varsity as a freshman only because the parents are friends with the coach"
We want to be civil with a coach that spends time with our girls, but don't want to be viewed in that light and have this get back to our girls like it always does...you know
"My mom says you only made the team cause your parents are frineds with the coach"

She will have enough pressure as it is just getting started in high school(entering freshman), dont want to add to the dilema...

[artomatic]

I think this was a topic of a recent Jerry Springer show...
in fact, I found some rare footage of the parent and the coach going at it:

http://www.boredtodeath.co.uk/fightvideos/06.04.07/jerry-springer-midget-fight.wmv

[anonlooker]

Okay, using roses was a tactical blunder. A nice bouquet of titanium, razor-tipped, Asiatic lilies would have been much more effective.

[Tucson]

I wonder if you would also talk to the football coach? I can see asking what "kid" needs to improve on, or approaching the coach if he/she is a yeller, but beyond that ....

All 3 of my kids did not want me talking to the HS coach.

That said, we might talk Cubs vs. Cardinals or why the flu was spreading throughout the team, but I would never initiate a conversation about my kid.

[DDsNbr1Fan]

"BUT, people say no parent should ever try and talk to Mr Smith, (now the softball coach after school) about how their child is doing on Mr Smith’s team, what her strengths and weaknesses are, why she is not being allowed to participate much in that school program, what she will need to do for next year to make the Varsity team."

My thoughts on this...With the Math teacher example most parents feel comfortable about approaching him when there is a problem, reason is most parents know and understand math...the subject matter is either right or wrong, no gray areas, parents can talk from a point of authority.

Now with HS softball, most parents do not know enough about softball, proper techniques, strategy, etc. to carry an intelligent conversation with a HS softball coach. Thus the reluctance to approach the HS coach on softball related issues. Or if they do, they are shot down by the coach, with how dare they question my rules and ways and they look like a fool. That being said there are an increasing number of parents (experienced travelball parents, current and ex-coaches, etc.) that have a considerable amount of knowledge on softball that do know what they are talking about. (although there are exceptions to this group of people as well). The knowledgable parents, in my opinion have the collective power to talk to the coach or whomever is in charge and initiate change. The coach (unless a seasoned and successful veteran of the sport) should be open to feedback, updating their programs and learning as much from experienced people as they can. This only makes the team better and makes them look better as well. This could all be done with maybe a pre-season eval sheet to the parents from the coaches...keep it anonymous so any potential back-lash is avoided. The coaches would know where they stand with the parents.

The sport is changing and evolving, it is not the same game as it was 5-10 years ago. Some (most in So Cal) HS coaches have not gotten that yet. We as TB coaches have had to change our approach and adapt to an evolving game, why can't the HS coaches do the same? I think if the HS coaches took this approach and were open to knowledgable advice, there would be a lot less reason to have to talk to them about why things are the way they are.

One last note...they are good and bad coaches everywhere not only in High school.

[Intel]

We are talking about HS players, it is time they learn to talk to the coach, if a player on my 16U team has an issue or a question, it is the player responsibility to discuss it with the coach. I only talk to the parents about the finances and hotels. Players are given all practice times, changes and game information.

The only time I see fit for a parent to talk to a coach besides small talk is if their is a safety issue. Any other grievence that would warrent a parent involvment is should be between the parent and the athletic director or school administrator.