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by SDTitans » Wed Oct 09, 2019 6:15 pm

No matter how well informed parents are.. they will always fall for the lines..
your daughter is the best, she will get all the play time she can handle.
If you don't play for us, you will not get a scholarship..
We are here to develop(aka.. we want good players now, and all the wins we can squeeze out of them, then cast them aside for the new improved kid)
Come play for us.. we get scholarships.. we know all the coaches..

list goes on and on and on.. until the parents see it and go to leave, then the coach screams.. wheres your loyalty.. all the while the coach is always .. searching for someone to replace you..

sincerely
The used car salesman coach....

But parents are just as bad, always shopping their kid around like they are a prized possession.. always searching for that shinny trophy.. rather have their kid sit on the bench of a great team and brag about it, then her out there in the dirt working hard and earning everything.. etc etc
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by Lexilex27 » Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:38 pm

Spot on!
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by notthisagain » Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:17 am

SDTitans wrote:No matter how well informed parents are.. they will always fall for the lines..
your daughter is the best, she will get all the play time she can handle.
If you don't play for us, you will not get a scholarship..
We are here to develop(aka.. we want good players now, and all the wins we can squeeze out of them, then cast them aside for the new improved kid)
Come play for us.. we get scholarships.. we know all the coaches..

list goes on and on and on.. until the parents see it and go to leave, then the coach screams.. wheres your loyalty.. all the while the coach is always .. searching for someone to replace you..

sincerely
The used car salesman coach....

But parents are just as bad, always shopping their kid around like they are a prized possession.. always searching for that shinny trophy.. rather have their kid sit on the bench of a great team and brag about it, then her out there in the dirt working hard and earning everything.. etc etc


This post describes the situation pretty accurately and represents quite a few people.

To the poster that wants to call others ignorant. Let me point out since you are leaving yourself ignorant by not acknowledging and accepting that other people's opinions and feedback, how they think and interpret raising their kids in travel ball does exist and it's real. Is a factor that is part of this discussion. The intelligent feedback that has been offered to debate the subject means it is not ignorant it is actually well-thought-out. By you not accepting the well-thought-out intelligence you will remain ignorant. One track thinking in the travel ball world will trap you. If you don't want to recognize that then subject your kids to extra mayhem and crap that they don't need to be part of. You can make your parenting decision however you want.
It will never make sense in my mind to stay in a place where you are being mistreated and lied to. Whether that's a workplace , a marriage, it's a life decision and a lesson that can be learned. Leave their kid in a place that even the kid knows they've been lied to does not make good sense. But if that's the lesson you want to teach your kid to stay in a situation where you've been lied to and mistreated and you
justify that situation because you made some commitment to a liar. That includes
your ongoing money monthly paying for it. You can make that decision. But I'm not going to stay blind and be ignorant to it.
By the way good day to you also.
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by xyzdude » Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:55 am

[quote
To the poster that wants to call others ignorant. Let me point out since you are leaving yourself ignorant by not acknowledging and accepting that other people's opinions and feedback, how they think and interpret raising their kids in travel ball does exist and it's real. Is a factor that is part of this discussion. The intelligent feedback that has been offered to debate the subject means it is not ignorant it is actually well-thought-out. By you not accepting the well-thought-out intelligence you will remain ignorant. One track thinking in the travel ball world will trap you. If you don't want to recognize that then subject your kids to extra mayhem and crap that they don't need to be part of. You can make your parenting decision however you want.
it will never make sense in my mind to stay in a place where you are being mistreated and lied to.whether that's a workplace a marriage it's a life decision at a lesson that can be learned. I will not accept and definitely disagree that when a parent will leave their kid in a place that even the kid knows they've been lied to does not make good sense. But if that's the lesson you want to teach your kid to stay in a situation where you've been lied to and mistreated and you want to leave your kid in that situation because you made some commitment to a lie. That actually has to do with your ongoing money monthly paying for it. You can make that decision. But I'm not going to stay blind and be ignorant to it.
By the way good day to you also.][/quote]


So, I get that coaches are no better than used car salesmen, that they lied to you and that now your poor daughter is paying the price. I do not minimize that there are certainly unqualified, disorganized, and perhaps dishonest coaches out there looking to trap you into their web. I take the time to put myself into your position and I certainly would never suggest that any parent place or keep their daughter in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation --- I never said that. Keeping your children safe is absolutely the most important thing to do. However, your thoughts and those of some others seem to me to be the recipe for building children that don't fight their own battles, feel entitled to things that they have not yet earned, and contribute further to the ruination of youth sports and other institutions that should be serving our children and our society.

Coaches should not lie, they should not BS you about the role your child will play on a team, they should never make promises that they do not intend to keep. That is a given. It is pretty easy to do a bit of research to discover who the legit coaches are versus the BSers. I think that is also a parents job. But I'll stick to my guns that once you make a commitment to a team (because you are joining a team not hiring a coach) you should do all you can do to live up to it. Of course, if you make a mistake, or get "taken in by the fast talking coach" and your child is in an unsafe place - you need to protect your child. But I will also say that your daughter is taking her attitude from you and you are probably making the situation worse because your child is not meeting your expectations and you are projecting that on the coach or some other external factor. I think in many of these unhappy situations, the kid is actually enjoying the experience and the leaving is totally driven by the parent.

I'll give you the last word on this...
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by notthisagain » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:24 am

Xyzdude your Post- well said and well written like reading them. Keep them coming. You do recognize that in the first developmental years of your own daughters and softball you coach them yourself. Would you agree at that point listen to your parent would be the answer in that role?


When originally posting listen to your coach parents or instructor. I left out listen to your father or mother coaching. But this is part of the situation of travel ball and there are tons and tons of teams who are parent coached. It stands to reason that any parent could be just as smart about the sport as the parent coach. Maybe the question should have been asked like this,
Do you listen to your own parent or do you listen to somebody else's parent who's coaching? There are also many parents who make the decision to take their kids to instructors and not have them listen to the coach. Hitting is probably the biggest topic in that category.
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by eclipse09 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:54 am

"The good news is there are much better well informed parents then there are ignorant ones."

Hey Not, above is my last line after letting xyz know I appreciated his post. Probably should have put Today between parents and then.

Please note I am putting both you and Deft into the well informed parents category. Not sure why you took it personally.
I can tell by your posts that you take the time to evaluate your situation and do your homework on coaches.

I think the evaluation of travel coaches and teams has improved the last 5 years, but there are still parents out there that trust coaches and make mistakes and don't learn from them. To me that is ignorant and it is up the travel ball family alumni to pass along their experience.

Here is an example: An ex-travel coach (SD Titans knows him well) just got busted for sexually misconduct and somehow coached in travel for years. A number of parents stayed with this guy for years so there are those parents out there that do not have a clue. I hope those parents find HeyBucket and use this valuable forum.
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by notthisagain » Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:58 am

eclipse09 wrote:"The good news is there are much better well informed parents then there are ignorant ones."

Hey Not, above is my last line after letting xyz know I appreciated his post. Probably should have put Today between parents and then.

Please note I am putting both you and Deft into the well informed parents category. Not sure why you took it personally.
I can tell by your posts that you take the time to evaluate your situation and do your homework on coaches.

I think the evaluation of travel coaches and teams has improved the last 5 years, but there are still parents out there that trust coaches and make mistakes and don't learn from them. To me that is ignorant and it is up the travel ball family alumni to pass along their experience.

Here is an example: An ex-travel coach (SD Titans knows him well) just got busted for sexually misconduct and somehow coached in travel for years. A number of parents stayed with this guy for years so there are those parents out there that do not have a clue. I hope those parents find HeyBucket and use this valuable forum.


Yeah did not take it personal. Try to open discussion to bring out the many viewpoints.

eclipse good input too. Evaluate!
To not be clueless.
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by eclipse09 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:06 am

notthisagain wrote:
eclipse09 wrote:"The good news is there are much better well informed parents then there are ignorant ones."

Hey Not, above is my last line after letting xyz know I appreciated his post. Probably should have put Today between parents and then.

Please note I am putting both you and Deft into the well informed parents category. Not sure why you took it personally.
I can tell by your posts that you take the time to evaluate your situation and do your homework on coaches.

I think the evaluation of travel coaches and teams has improved the last 5 years, but there are still parents out there that trust coaches and make mistakes and don't learn from them. To me that is ignorant and it is up the travel ball family alumni to pass along their experience.

Here is an example: An ex-travel coach (SD Titans knows him well) just got busted for sexually misconduct and somehow coached in travel for years. A number of parents stayed with this guy for years so there are those parents out there that do not have a clue. I hope those parents find HeyBucket and use this valuable forum.


Yeah did not take it personal. Try to open discussion to bring out the many viewpoints.

eclipse good input too. Evaluate!
To not be clueless.


I like it. Good discussion all around.
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by Defty » Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:24 am

After reading xyzdude's posts I feel like something that should be pretty clear to everyone by now is that we are rarely ever talking about identical situations. To me, after Notthisagain posed some questions to him, and after his willingness to answer, it seems pretty clear that his experience in travel is pretty different from what many of the parents and players are experiencing in today's softball climate. That doesn't make his experience or opinion any less valid though, because this discussion section isn't just about now or just about one specific region. It does however highlight that our willingness to discuss a topic and not try and just steamroll over each other is the most efficient way to aggregate the years of experiences that we all have.

We can all get snarky from time-to-time for sure. Sometimes it feels like the only way to be heard is to turn someones loudness down a bit. At the end of the day, we are discussing a sport that we are all passionate about and the young girls/women at the center of it all deserve our respect and deserve to be able to enjoy and experience this sport to the fullest. The bad parents get weeded out by the coaches that aren't willing to put up with the BS. The bad coaches need to be weeded out by increasing the amount of informed parents.

Before a coach can even coach they need players and money. We as parents supply the players and we supply the $$. A coach without money or players is not a coach at all. I feel like two of the factors that empower undeserving coaches the most are misinformed parents, and parents that see something wrong, but do nothing to change it.

IMO the best thing we can do for the sport, our daughters, their teammates and their competitors is to determine when we as individuals are being helpful and when we are getting in the way. Being able to discuss this with other people is an invaluable way to figure this out. To be well-informed you have to have access to information, be willing to know that there is always something more you can learn, never accept what someone says at face value, and take the time analyze what you have learned.

Do your research, be bold & wise enough to apply your knowledge at the right time and in the right way and be mature enough to get out of the way when you are the problem.
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