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by notthisagain » Tue Oct 08, 2019 10:12 am

Who knows best coach, instructor or parent?
Yeah, yeah big can of worms.
Until a well seasoned coach is obtainable damn right i'm fact checking the coach. Younger age brackets flooded with parenting coaches. Do you let your kid do whatever they say or no? I've posted about instructors befor.
Do parents take kids to instructors because don't trust the coach?
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by xyzdude » Tue Oct 08, 2019 2:06 pm

I think each has an important role in the development of the player. It is why the player/parent needs to select all of them (okay you can't choose your parent) carefully. In my opinion, once you pick the coach and team, you are locked in and it is important that as a parent you support the coach and make sure that your kid is working within the team philosophy and doing her best. The caveat here is that the parent is ultimately responsible for the safety and well being of the child. There are certain issues where I think it can be necessary for the parent to step in - you just need to do it the best way. This does not relate to playing time, defensive position, or place in the batting order - those are coaching decisions and your job is to be a positive as possible about your child's role on the team, teach her the best way to self-advocate, and provide opportunities for her to develop outside of the team context if needed (lessons, extra sessions at the cages, etc.). An example of when a parent can and should step in would be overuse, injury, and anything that is unsafe or unhealthy.

I think that a great instructor can be a huge factor in a player's development, be it for fielding, hitting or pitching. I also think that we have a generation of over-trained, over-instructed players and too many less than good instructors smooth out the violence and the athleticism of players simply because there is really nothing new to instruct. How many beautifully smooth swings do you see in practice from players who don't seem to be able to hit the ball out of the infield? For my kid, it worked doing periodic lessons as tune ups and when she had specific things to work on. I'm cheap, so we were big on self-learning. After any lesson, my daughter would ask for specific exercises or drills to reinforce the lesson and then she would do that on her own or with my help between lessons. Our rule was that she had to practice on her own at least three time between any lessons to make sure that she was getting maximum bang for the (my) buck. Once she found the right hitting coach for her, she would typically do about 12 lessons a year and in college would sometimes send him a video clip and a text and he would send her comments. I think that at some point in time they need to be able to make their own adjustments to their swing or know when they need some help with it.

Just my two cents...
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by curveballerguy124 » Tue Oct 08, 2019 3:03 pm

Talk about stirring the pot!!!!! The simplest answer for me would be listen to who knows more!!!
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by Defty » Tue Oct 08, 2019 4:47 pm

notthisagain wrote:Who knows best coach, instructor or parent?
Yeah, yeah big can of worms.
Until a well seasoned coach is obtainable damn right i'm fact checking the coach. Younger age brackets flooded with parenting coaches. Do you let your kid do whatever they say or no? I've posted about instructors befor.
Do parents take kids to instructors because don't trust the coach?
Unleash the opinions of heybucket.


Don't look to place trust anyone without getting several positive recent references. Find out why people like a given coach or instructor and determine if those responses fit with what you and your daughter are looking for. You are your daughters protector and lifelong teacher. Don't look to give any part of those responsibilities to someone else without doing your homework. Any don't give unfettered access or trust to someone just because they call themselves a coach.

In opposition to what xyzdude said, I don't believe in the slightest that you are locked in once you make any decision. I believe that many unqualified coaches want you to feel this way and that is a big reason why so many of them feed you loads of BS at tryouts, only to find out that they can not back up 1/2 of the promises or statements that they make.

As for why parents take their kids to instructors... It's my opinion that many go to an instructor because a lot of work needs to be put in outside of practice and games to have increased success. It has not historically been a coaches job to spread themselves even more thin to find the time in their personal lives to give each player individualized training. In addition to that, just because someone coaches doesn't mean they have the skills to give specialized training like pitching or catching. Their are many other reasons parents bring their kids to instructors but it hasn't been my experience that not having trust in their coach is a common motivator.
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by Battle » Tue Oct 08, 2019 7:51 pm

The parent by far...The parent knows the best coach and the parent knows the best instructor...well...or they should.
We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!
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by notthisagain » Wed Oct 09, 2019 6:56 am

curveballerguy124 wrote:Talk about stirring the pot!!!!! The simplest answer for me would be listen to who knows more!!!


Who know's best. LOL not just who has the bigger pile of ~~~~.
Problem occurs when the word coach appears befor the parents name. Or the parent becomes the
insructor because they took their kid to lessons. Not the same as actually having proven results with a good track record.
Don't want to kick people in the leg for their helpful efforts. But stop acting like you have a professional coaching career because you started helping a travel ball team.
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by xyzdude » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:22 am

In opposition to what xyzdude said, I don't believe in the slightest that you are locked in once you make any decision. I believe that many unqualified coaches want you to feel this way and that is a big reason why so many of them feed you loads of BS at tryouts, only to find out that they can not back up 1/2 of the promises or statements that they make.


Defty - one of the problems in youth sport is that parents don't do enough due diligence on teams/coaches and then feel free to teach their children that it is okay to not live up to the commitment that they have made to the team. In my opinion you are locked in to live up to and finish your commitment. Then feel free to start the selection process over again if you need to or made a mistake. Then you teach your kid to make good decisions, but to always accept the consequences of the decisions that they make.

At the end of the day, your most important role as a parent is not to be the manager of your child's sports career but to teach them to be a good person. I think too many of us get caught up in the details of who said what and my kid's not happy and forget the long game.

Have a good day.
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by notthisagain » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:42 am

Before I get attack by the hounds of heybucket for saying don't act like a professional. Yes I would like teams to be run efficiently and have good management. I'd like to have a schedule in advance whenever possible. Even a tentative schedule to know what is coming up on the calendar to plan for. Its good to run the team how the coach see's is best. They are putting in the time. However, I don't think a coach at that part of development is the only person who knows how to develop players. Shouldnt be only resource. the next parent coach team will probably tell your kids completely opposite things. Well there's that chance. Really want to put it out there dont put too much weight into what a parent coach at that level is telling you. Talking about the new parent coach who decides to change everybody's batting stance or apply some crazy infield strategy something they saw in baseball in the 1970s. Talking about the glorified parent coach who wears their title like a crown.
The ones who call themselves instructors because two of their daughters friends come to the house for hitting. :shock:
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by notthisagain » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:45 am

Xyzdude how long have you been in travel ball?
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by Defty » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:14 am

xyzdude wrote:
In opposition to what xyzdude said, I don't believe in the slightest that you are locked in once you make any decision. I believe that many unqualified coaches want you to feel this way and that is a big reason why so many of them feed you loads of BS at tryouts, only to find out that they can not back up 1/2 of the promises or statements that they make.


Defty - one of the problems in youth sport is that parents don't do enough due diligence on teams/coaches and then feel free to teach their children that it is okay to not live up to the commitment that they have made to the team. In my opinion you are locked in to live up to and finish your commitment. Then feel free to start the selection process over again if you need to or made a mistake. Then you teach your kid to make good decisions, but to always accept the consequences of the decisions that they make.

At the end of the day, your most important role as a parent is not to be the manager of your child's sports career but to teach them to be a good person. I think too many of us get caught up in the details of who said what and my kid's not happy and forget the long game.

Have a good day.


I hear what you are saying but totally disagree. This thought process is antiquated. I feel like you have either been out of the game for a long time or have been speaking to someone that has. Even though that sounds like an attack, I am moreso verbalizing my guess as to where that type of thinking is coming from.

Way way too many coaches are wolves in sheep's clothing. Even with doing your due diligence many ill-equipped coaches try tirelessly to hide the truth long enough to get you and your daughter on board and then right when the honeymoon is over they act like they own your child while she is on "their field. Sorry coach, that is my kid. I don't see you at their school events. I don't see you at the doctors office when they are sick. I don't see you standing their with your checkbook out ready to pay for their college if they don't get an athletic or academic scholarship. That is my kid and my responsibility. I allow you to coach my daughter and that is an honor. And for me, it is an honor for my daughter to play for a coach deserving of trust and respect, mainly because it is nearly impossible to find. Great coaches don't need to focus on this kinda doodoo because in my opinion, alot of what makes them great is that they understand the dynamics and prove or have proven time and time again that they are worthy of trust. It is my job to stay out of the way when a real coach is coaching. But you must earn that respect over time, not just with a title.

You state that a parents most important role is to teach them to be a good person, but not to be the manager of their sports career. How about stepping back and thinking about what "teaching someone to be a good person" means and what it takes to accomplish that. Does that mean that you teach them to fulfill their commitments even when the other side of that commitment doesn't live up to their end? Does that mean never speaking up when you see something wrong because its not nice to push back? And if you were raised to be a "good person" do you as a parent allow a a coach to mislead or mistreat your child because your kid "made a commitment" and should "always accept the consequences of the decisions that [you] make."

Our role as parents can not be chalked up to a one-liner. And in my opinion it does include managing their sports path at a young age. Because if we aren't managing it then who is? Are you assigning a quasi-random man or women, that you truly barely know, with the responsibility of designing a major portion of their development? You got some 'splaining to do Lucy!
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