Softball Psychology

[C77fastpitch]

I recently read a post about a mother that was distraught about a coach that wasn't giving her daughter playing time. I've read a lot of post similar to this, and understand the problem for parents and coaches. Softball to a lot of girls is an important pass time, and are clearly affected by decisions made by coaches. I think it's important that coaches don't make those kinds of decisions arbitrarily, and clearly designate to players what is expected of them. Too often girls believe they get playing time according to how well the coaches like them. Of course it's hard to be crazy about girls that are unpleasant or don't work. However, there are coaches that are cocky, bias and belligerent. I think this type of coaching is more prevalent in high school and colleges, and is on the increase. Travel ball coaches have to be a little more accountable to their players or won't have a team. The best things parents can do is be pro active, they have an absolute right to observe, but not bother practices. They have a right to discuss questions they have with coaches, at the right time. Travel ball parents should ask coaches for some kind of contract they can read, agree upon and sign. Playing travel ball is expensive, and shouldn't be decided without deliberation. Many teams brag about, and assure parents that their daughter will receive scholarships if they join their team. Get that in writing! I would also be weary of private pitching coaches that promise kids they can improve their pitching speed, through some type of newly unknown pitching exercises. There are scams everywhere, parents beware and learn as much as you can, and don't always believe recommendations.

[slapperdad]

I ain't going to lie, when I read "Softball Psychology" posted by C77, I couldn't get this thread open fast enough. I thought, boy I like where this is headed. But I think they post is less about psychology, and more about expectations, for the players, parents, and coaches.
As a player the only thing I ever expected out of a coach was to be honest with me. Whether that was technique, effort, attitude, whatever. Just tell me what I have to do to get on the field and I'll do it. I think this is where a major disconnect is in sports in general. There's not enough honesty in the world today. People tell other people what they think they want to hear. People hear what they want to hear.
I have found particularly with girls/women, they perceive being honest with being mean, or he doesn't like me. I think when kids entered my program when I was coaching were in many cases intimidated by me, scared of me, however you choose to label it. But by the time they graduated, I think all of them knew, I cared very deeply for them, they knew I always had their back, and they knew I was their biggest cheerleader.
As a parent, I would be very leery of coaches who make any kind of promises, i.e., you will be our #1 pitcher, you'll get X innings per game, I can up your BA 100 points, I can increase your speed, I'll have you throwing 60 in no time. As a coach, I know there's no way I can guarantee any of that. Until we've practiced, until I've had a chance to coach them, until I've seen them interact with their teammates, I have no idea what I have. She may well have just had the tryout of her career and will never approach that level again, I don't know.
This is all really just common sense, which I guess is why it's such an issue. There's not a lot of common sense around these days either.

[C77fastpitch]

Good post Slapperdad, I agree with your points. Words are so important in sports, and especially girls softball. We are but mere reflections of what people around us believe us to be. If we get good positive reinforcement we tend to have more confidence, especially in sports. The simple phrase." We believe in you," is very strong medicine. Coaches, teachers, players, should be taught the language of positive success. Smash the ball, not you're due, we believe in you, not we need a hit. Kids understand redundant language, we need to play our game, we need to get runs, we need hits, this game is really important, kids tune these phrases out because they mean nothing. In fact, coaches are many times the cause of their own players anxieties. Kids are keen observers, a confident friendly smile goes a long way. The games are won in preparation, and in game day positive motivation. During the College World Series I noticed coaches with frowns, calling out players, screaming in their faces. If you want to ruin your chances for victory, this is just the formula.

Slapperdads describes it, a caring coach is hard to beat. It doesn't always work for victories but it certainly does a lot for the future of the kids. A team with some talent, good preparation and motivation, and a coach that cares, is often called champions.

A question, what do you think are the most important phrases used by good coaches?

[slapperdad]

I'm not sure there are any specific phrases per se. I think the main thing is staying positive. Again particularly with female athletes, they tend to beat themselves up bad enough as it is. The last thing they need is parents and coaches piling on. I always felt the hardest thing as a coach for me was getting kids to move on past mistakes. We used the "One Pitch Warrior" phrase constantly, "so what, next pitch". 0fer the day, so what next pitch. You just made a crucial error that lead to three runs for your opponent, so what next pitch. Your pitcher can't fall out of the boat and hit water so far....so what next pitch. The ONLY thing you have any control over is what happens on the next pitch. You have no control over yesterday, last inning, last play, your focus needs to remain forward. You mind has to be clear and focused on the next pitch.

I once read an interview with Michael Jordan, and he was talking about Phil Jackson's coaching in the post season. He spoke about Jackson's positive mentality. Jordan's quote, and I'm paraphrasing is when you're in the middle of a championship series, you can't expend energy on negative input. He said Jackson was a master at this. He brought no negative energy to the equation.

As someone who's always focused on the mind side of sports, even as an athlete. I took the approach in crucial situations, "hey what a great opportunity". Tying run's on third, winning run's on second, bottom of the 7th. You know the kid's a bundle of nerves. Take a time out and tell her, hey, what a great opportunity? This is what you dream of, this is what you've trained your whole life for, this is what all those blisters have lead to, now go have some fun. Why not take that approach, rather than turning the screws and putting more pressure on her?

A little side note, as my daughter grew up, I would often slip notes into her shoes in her gym bag or bat bag whatever the sport was. Just little notes of encouragement, knowing that putting her shoes on would be one of the last things she did before she went on the court, diamond, or field. I always let her know not only myself, but her coaches and teammates believe in her. As well as a bunch of cliched sports analogies, etc. We never spoke of these notes, she never said anything and neither did I. Until her senior night in high school when one of them showed up on her collage board. She told me after reading that I was ready to kick anyone's ass who stood in our way of winning, how could I not be? She hugged me and said "Dad you'll never know what those little notes meant to me". After she went off to college, I didn't have access to her shoes anymore, so I just had to shoot her a short text.

The gist of all this is, stay positive, females by their nature want to please you. Most people get beat down enough as it is.

[C77fastpitch]

Mr Slapperdad, you are a good man!

[Skarp]

I'm not sure there are any specific phrases per se. I think the main thing is staying positive. Again particularly with female athletes, they tend to beat themselves up bad enough as it is. The last thing they need is parents and coaches piling on. I always felt the hardest thing as a coach for me was getting kids to move on past mistakes. We used the "One Pitch Warrior" phrase constantly, "so what, next pitch". 0fer the day, so what next pitch. You just made a crucial error that lead to three runs for your opponent, so what next pitch. Your pitcher can't fall out of the boat and hit water so far....so what next pitch. The ONLY thing you have any control over is what happens on the next pitch. You have no control over yesterday, last inning, last play, your focus needs to remain forward. You mind has to be clear and focused on the next pitch.

I once read an interview with Michael Jordan, and he was talking about Phil Jackson's coaching in the post season. He spoke about Jackson's positive mentality. Jordan's quote, and I'm paraphrasing is when you're in the middle of a championship series, you can't expend energy on negative input. He said Jackson was a master at this. He brought no negative energy to the equation.

As someone who's always focused on the mind side of sports, even as an athlete. I took the approach in crucial situations, "hey what a great opportunity". Tying run's on third, winning run's on second, bottom of the 7th. You know the kid's a bundle of nerves. Take a time out and tell her, hey, what a great opportunity? This is what you dream of, this is what you've trained your whole life for, this is what all those blisters have lead to, now go have some fun. Why not take that approach, rather than turning the screws and putting more pressure on her?

A little side note, as my daughter grew up, I would often slip notes into her shoes in her gym bag or bat bag whatever the sport was. Just little notes of encouragement, knowing that putting her shoes on would be one of the last things she did before she went on the court, diamond, or field. I always let her know not only myself, but her coaches and teammates believe in her. As well as a bunch of cliched sports analogies, etc. We never spoke of these notes, she never said anything and neither did I. Until her senior night in high school when one of them showed up on her collage board. She told me after reading that I was ready to kick anyone's ass who stood in our way of winning, how could I not be? She hugged me and said "Dad you'll never know what those little notes meant to me". After she went off to college, I didn't have access to her shoes anymore, so I just had to shoot her a short text.

The gist of all this is, stay positive, females by their nature want to please you. Most people get beat down enough as it is.

Absolutely dead on, and if I had to choose only one lesson that could last from dd's days in softball it would be just that: the only thing that matters is what happens next. You are either prepared for it or you are not. You are either proactively affecting the future in a favorable direction or you are standing flat-footed at the mercy of a life that simply happens to you.

[Skarp]

...and dwelling on what just happened--or on the past more generally--basically guarantees a flat-footed stance.

[C77fastpitch]

It's the unselfish acts of kindness that make a coach memorable. I was a pretty good student in high school and knew I would attend college regardless of my softball talent. However, a college coach visited my high school on the day of an important game. The coach was from a college I really wanted to attend. I didn't know she was coming and only afterwords found out she was there. I had what I thought was a horrible game, and knew that my chances for going to that college and playing softball would be slim and none. However, I ended up getting a scholarship and playing for that very college. It wasn't until sometime later I found out that my high school coach had a heart to heart meeting with her on the same night. He apparently spoke so well of me that even my horrible game had not ruined my chances for a scholarship. I never even knew what he had done for me. Unfortunately, before I could thank him he died of cancer. A totally unselfish act of kindness, and a very memorable coach.