Tips from all you coaches out there

[jarhedz]

Pushing (coaching) your kid to be the best at any sport can be a very difficult. We want our kids to do well so they feel good and WE feel good (that last part is the wrong mindset). Trying to keep that balance of learning and keeping it fun is no easy task. My poor daughter is not only a coaches daughter but she is also a pitcher! I have found that having her a pitching coach and a hitting coach gets away from the mindset that dad (coach) is ALWAYS there. Her specialized coaches have kept it fun, challenging, and fresh! I do agree with having that conversation with your DD about whether or not this is fun and she wants to keep doing it. My DD plays 14U travel and we have had this conversation a few times in the past. Good luck.

[2001-2dad]

I should have been more specific earlier. She takes a pitching lesson once a week from a instructor and I try to pitch with her once or twice more a week. She Was taking hitting lessons twice a month but only has one left. Fielding coach is head coach of her team, practice once a week. She does play volleyball and basketball. She has had tremendous success individually and on good teams in multiple sports. I just see so many girls that can't stand not being the best and they seem to give it their all to get better and be the best. If my dd had a little more of that attitude she would really take off I think. Thanks for the feedback. Im trying to be the best Dad and coach I can for her. And I admit for me too I love to see her do well.

[Battle]

I should have been more specific earlier. She takes a pitching lesson once a week from a instructor and I try to pitch with her once or twice more a week. She Was taking hitting lessons twice a month but only has one left. Fielding coach is head coach of her team, practice once a week. She does play volleyball and basketball. She has had tremendous success individually and on good teams in multiple sports. I just see so many girls that can't stand not being the best and they seem to give it their all to get better and be the best. If my dd had a little more of that attitude she would really take off I think. Thanks for the feedback. Im trying to be the best Dad and coach I can for her. And I admit for me too I love to see her do well.

Try this...The next time you take her to the pitching coach, as you are leaving, ask her to remember everything that she just worked on. The next time that you practice with her, ask her to tell you everything that she can think of from the lesson at the pitching coach. Then tell her that you are giving her control and for her to just go out there and work on it and think as if the pitching coach was sitting right there as she pitches. Then don't say a word except maybe "good job". If she is not using good habits, cut the practice short to keep her from developing bad habits. IMO, what you want to do is get her in the habit of thinking for herself instead of you always telling her what to do. Doing that with batting can get a little tricky but you get the idea. As time goes on, hopefully she will develop a sense of self development rather than feeling like dad is hovering over her.

After practice, ask her what she would like to do. Maybe she wants to practice catching or field fly balls or hit from the left if she is a right handed batter. Sometimes it will suprise you what she wants to do or maybe she just wants to end practice and play frisbee, whatever. Anyway, just a thought.

[slapperdad]

I would like to see my daughter develop a more competitive drive and a hunger to get better.

It will be very challenging to simply "develop a more competitive drive". Some kids just have that "hunger" to compete, and others could care less.

If she's a a half decent athlete, she should be playing multiple sports at her age. Learning how to win and lose at her age could help develop the drive you're looking for. Sending her to pitching, hitting, and fielding coaches at her age, is not the answer.

My experience with my kid was she was the second (last) kid. She was always kind of competitive with her older brother. Anything he could do, she could too.....or so she thought. I never discouraged that, if she wanted to give something a go, we let her. She began playing competitive Basketball in the third grade, Soccer and Softball in the fourth grade, volleyball in the 6th grade. It was in the fourth grade when the light really went on for her I think. Playing in a Basketball league in Indy, we had lost our only game of the season by 20. We were going to face that team in the league championship. We had a week to prepare for the game, my kid along with her teammates worked their butts off that week. We ended up losing that championship game by two. My DD was very upset and crying after the game. I was proud of her, she learned a very valuable lesson in sports, the harder you work, the more it hurts when you lose.

The long and the short of it, I think there has to be something inside to begin with. I think it can be nurtured and developed from there. My oldest is 180º from my youngest. He doesn't have a competitive bone in his body. He's completely happy to just to play and have fun. Obviously they had pretty much the same upbringing, yet he's not really competitive, nor does he have the drive to excel. He has some incredible talents, but it's like ehh, I'm having fun.

As far as the burnout thing, it's something I was very conscious of. However with my DD, it's just what her and her friends did for fun. They went to BB practice and then off to Soccer, tomorrow it was VB and then off to Softball. Eventually Soccer went away, then after her freshman year in high school VB went away. BB is now something she purely does for fun. It's a fun diversion for three months in the winter.

Lastly, whatever you do, mix in some fun. Sports are simply too much work, not to be fun.

[2001-2dad]

Good ideas everyone. Battle you mentioned frisbee she has asked for that a few times after finishing a little practice at home and the way I see it she was still working on skills that will help her in sports. Slapperdad and others have mentioned the drive has to come from the individual I guess i see it but dont like to admit it. She is my oldest and I have seen that most girls that have older siblings seem to have a leg up. She showed improvement this weekend in many areas and that is what we want. If she holds her positions and keeps getting better I will be more than excited.

[Battle]

Good ideas everyone. Battle you mentioned frisbee she has asked for that a few times after finishing a little practice at home and the way I see it she was still working on skills that will help her in sports. Slapperdad and others have mentioned the drive has to come from the individual I guess i see it but dont like to admit it. She is my oldest and I have seen that most girls that have older siblings seem to have a leg up. She showed improvement this weekend in many areas and that is what we want. If she holds her positions and keeps getting better I will be more than excited.

Sounds like you have a good kid there. I agree that the drive has to come from the individual but there is no reason why you can't help that along. It's a lot easier to coach what the kid is doing wrong but getting her to recognize it herself is a different story and that is important IMO.

When practicing, rather than telling her the mistake, ask her what she did wrong and try to get her to recognize it herself and actually tell you. If she knows, then there is no reason to echoe it. Tell her good job recognizing it, now do it. That's the precious advantage of having the one on one practice between father and daughter. All just my opinion for what it's worth.

so we end up getting frustrated at each other. I would like us to enjoy the
time spent together and get her to try harder. Any ideas?

If it makes you feel better, there are very few parents, that I know of, that hasn't gone through what you are going through at some point including myself...LOL

[Initforlife]

2001-2dad, first and foremost take a breath and relax. As you can tell from the postings all of us have been where you are and are still there from time to time. I will say that I agree with almost everything I see here. I too believe that drive is a fire that comes from within. Your job is to provide the ignitor and then throw logs on that fire from time to time. For my DD it was back in her 6th grade year when we made a deal about grades and she got to go to a camp at UT in Knoxville. When she saw what was at the end of the rainbow it was on and there has been no stopping. Don't compare her with other players (as hard as that is NOT to do) she will progress in her own time at her own rate depending on the work she puts into it. At some point if she truly does want to try to take it to the next level, she is going to need to understand what that means. Those camps are great for her to talk to girls that have done it. They can clue her in. I completely disagree with those that say it is too early for Hitting and Pitching lessons. I tell every new parent I meet that the best $'s they can spend on their daughter is with a good hitting instructor. As she gets older the pitching gets better and it isn't a lot of fun to dread going up to bat because you don't hit well. Natural talent will take her only so far and then she will get left behind. If she is a pitcher, well that doesn't happen by accident. It takes years to develop and control some pitches. She will hear far more negative from others than positive as she learns her craft. Your job is the be coach, analyst and support structure. In other words a Softball Dad of a Pitcher. Listen intently to what her instructors are telling her. Pick up key words to remind her of what they are telling her. Sitting on the bucket is far more than just telling her to keep her weight back or asking her if she plans on snapping anytime soon! You are going to argue, get that understood and move on. The most important thing is to enjoy the ride. Trust us when we tell you that it flys by way too fast.

[2001-2dad]

Nice to see that I am not the only one trying to keep it fun and enjoy my dd time but work hard toward getting better! I have been busy with work obligations lately and the wife had to take her to hitting, pitching, and team practice. I think alittle break for me will be good. I can step back and think about how I push and really I should be thinking more along the lines of what you said Initforlife. She is growing so fast. I .cant believe I have a 11yr old daughter. Battle good idea there. I do ask what did you do after a pitch, swing, or what ever the case maybe. Her responses are getting much better. Before she would be like whatttt!!!!, I did not feel anything.!!!!!! Now she is starting to feel more body control i think she can tell me if she pulls her head on a swing or steps wrong on a pitch. Making my job easier!

[CrushersDad]

Nice to see that I am not the only one trying to keep it fun and enjoy my dd time but work hard toward getting better! I have been busy with work obligations lately and the wife had to take her to hitting, pitching, and team practice. I think alittle break for me will be good. I can step back and think about how I push and really I should be thinking more along the lines of what you said Initforlife. She is growing so fast. I .cant believe I have a 11yr old daughter. Battle good idea there. I do ask what did you do after a pitch, swing, or what ever the case maybe. Her responses are getting much better. Before she would be like whatttt!!!!, I did not feel anything.!!!!!! Now she is starting to feel more body control i think she can tell me if she pulls her head on a swing or steps wrong on a pitch. Making my job easier!

DD and I have been around the block a few times with me pushing too hard, her pushing back too hard, not pushing hard enough, not understanding each other. It isn't easy to find a good middle ground but it is possible. I realized that it is not my life we are working on here, it is DD's life that we are working on. She knows what it takes to get to college if that is what she wants to do. If she has a question about how to do something, she will ask me and we talk about it. Before I realized this little tidbit, I almost pushed her hard enough to quit doing what she loves to do...

The very first thing I would think about first if I were you is "What exactly IS my job?" It took me years to figure out that MY JOB is to be the best supporter that I can both financially and mentally. During our pitching practices she knows what to work on and I know what to do, catch the ball and throw it back. We talk about her life, my life, her friends, etc. but I don't tell her how to pitch, that is her PC's job.

[Battle]

Nice to see that I am not the only one trying to keep it fun and enjoy my dd time but work hard toward getting better! I have been busy with work obligations lately and the wife had to take her to hitting, pitching, and team practice. I think alittle break for me will be good. I can step back and think about how I push and really I should be thinking more along the lines of what you said Initforlife. She is growing so fast. I .cant believe I have a 11yr old daughter. Battle good idea there. I do ask what did you do after a pitch, swing, or what ever the case maybe. Her responses are getting much better. Before she would be like whatttt!!!!, I did not feel anything.!!!!!! Now she is starting to feel more body control i think she can tell me if she pulls her head on a swing or steps wrong on a pitch. Making my job easier!

That's good. I'm not saying that every time you go practice, let her practice any way she wants. I was just giving you some ideas to keep it from becoming a shouting match every time. IMO, you want to keep her mind on what she is doing and let her identify problems as much as possible. I hope you are going to the pitching/hitting lessons with her so you can hear what the pitching/hitting coach is saying and try to mimic his instructions when you practice. Him/her telling her one thing and you telling her another isn't good. You probably are going though so enough said about that.

With pitching and hitting, it's hard to try to fix one thing and not break another. When you and her practice, it's your job to recognize that and then make her realize it in a manner without making her feel like you're bitching at her. Good luck with that...lol...A real good way to do that is to film her and show her what you are talking about. Sometimes she doesn't know what she is doing and a picture is worth a thousand words. Going to a pitching coach once a week is not enough for her to develop. Personally I look at it this way...(1. Pitching coach is the instruction where she really learns how to practice her skill. (2. Practice with you is where she hones her skills. Practice doesn't make perfect but perfect practice can. Also teaching her how to practice on her own. That gets overlooked a lot of the time (3. The games are the rewards for her perfect practice.....Same goes for hitting, etc...

If you want to have some fun, after pitching practice with her, try letting her catch you and try to do some of the things that she is being taught. At the same time you are having a little fun, notice the tension points on your body. For instance, if you are closing your hips up too early before release you will feel tension in your shoulder but if you stay at the 45 degree angle to her, it's a lot easier on your shoulder. Things like that might make you realize things that will injure her later on. Just a thought.....not to mention how many high balls that you throw and she has to fetch...that's the best part...LMAO.

Playing other sports is good but if I had to say one thing about that personally, be careful when mixing volleyball and softball especially pitching. Serving in volleyball and then going to pitching practice is something we don't do anymore which brings me to a very important point...ABOVE ALL, PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS BODY LANGUAGE! If she looks like she is hurting, she probably is. STOP!