this is how the fight started!!

[NumeroUno]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight
started....


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead,
she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her
look better at night than the cold cream....... And that's how the fight
started.


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is
proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I
got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security
office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'...... And that's how the fight started.....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife,
'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'...... And that's
how the fight started.....

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly
the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo
stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it....
he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM
NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are
you?'....... And that's how the fight started.....


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you
worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'...... And that's
how the fight started.....

[AGameGal]

Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure. It's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably. It is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No. I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?"

HUSBAND: "Yes. Those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No. She's left-handed."

WIFE: - silence -

HUSBAND: " . . . sh*t."

And that's how the fight started!

[Jitterbug]

Hey these jokes read the same as the ones spysoftball put on his website. Still funny.

[softballdad14]

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young
woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean," she said. "She doesn't know
how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young
woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice
clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has
learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our
windows."

And that's how the fight started!