THE TOP 30 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SA

[jonriv]

THE TOP 30 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only 16.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. When I retire, I'm movin' north.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Perrier for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate.

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. What times does the Yankees game start?

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!
_______________________________

[freetacos]

I hope jonrive will remember...Southern man don't need him around anyhow.

hmm...wasn't there a song like that?

in the words of

ft

bite me

[jonriv]

Actually I love the south- having spent a lot of time in Georgia, North Carolina and Kentucky while in the Army. Found the list (strangely enough) on a website from my hometown Levittown, NY.

Once while driving back to Fort Benning from Atlanta during Airborne School in the mid-eighties. My friend Joe- he was from the upper tip of Manhattan and had a THICK New York accent was driving our other roomate's car(1973 chevy Impala) well in excess of the posted speed limit. We got pulled over by a very mean looking Georgia State Trooper who asked my friend Joe- "Who do you think you are driving so fast through the state of Georgia?" My friend Joe- always the wiseass said "Sherman" in which the trooper yelled-"outa the car boys......" I think I might stiil be in prison if not for our roommate-who was from Arkansas, who explained to the trooper that-"my Yankee friends here are unaware of the gravity that the war of Northern aggression has in these parts"

One of the many times my being in the service and having a "high and tight" got me out of trouble