Today's Joke

[DonnieS]

Boudreaux was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, Marie, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, Marie was sitting there in black, and her friend Clotile was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the Marie said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So Clotile said to her, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The always loyal Marie replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put all money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[PDad]

Boudreaux was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, ...
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

I prefer another version where the request is for each of his 3 sons to put $100,000 in his casket. After the first 2 do so, the third picks up the $200k in cash and leaves a check for $300k.

[DonnieS]

Boudreaux was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, ...
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

I prefer another version where the request is for each of his 3 sons to put $100,000 in his casket. After the first 2 do so, the third picks up the $200k in cash and leaves a check for $300k.

thats even better.

[Pale Rider]

...Boudreaux?...

Freudian slip?

[Battle]

A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment. The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired," he asked again. She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

[Safebyahare]

Today's joke is a song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc

[PDad]

Today's joke is a song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc

LOL That is Arto's theme song! Still, his wife wishes he was a more cunning linguist...

[PDad]

RUDE (The Dad's Side of the Story) is in response to Rude, a song by the guy he won't let marry his daughter.

[PairOfAces]

A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine.

All the rednecks sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada ."

The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"

The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

"No", says the Canadian "A taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."

The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."

[Battle]

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. “House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.” “Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”

A student asked, “What gender is “computer?” Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (“el computador”), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.