jonriv wrote:as the world turns wrote:Not for Dirty Harry
He didn't carry a .45 It was a .44 magnum
Ever since San Francisco became a sanctuary city, Inspector Callahan upgraded to a .45
jonriv wrote:as the world turns wrote:Not for Dirty Harry
He didn't carry a .45 It was a .44 magnum
Battle wrote:I took my dad to the mall once to get him new shoes (he is 66). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenage girl sitting next to him. The girl had spiked hair in all different colors - blue, red, green and orange.
My dad kept staring at her and the girl would look at my dad. When she had enough of his staring, she sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so I wouldn't choke on his response.
In his classic style, he responded without batting an eyelid: "I got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
PairOfAces wrote:A private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.