Great advice to pass on to your daughters- Part II

[rediman]

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT- if it is up, put it down.
2. SUNDAY SPORTS- it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides-LET IT BE !
3. SHOPPING IS NOT A SPORT.
4. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
5. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT- subtle hints don't work, obvious hints don't work, JUST SAY IT.
6. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM, ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT- sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
7. A HEADACHE THAT LASTS FOR 17 MONTHS IS A PROBLEM-see a doctor
8. IF WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE---HONEST.
9. IF YOU DON'T DRESS LIKE THE VICTORIA SECRET GIRLS, DON'T EXPECT US TO ACT LIKE THE SOAP OPERA GUYS.
10. IF YOU THINK YOUR FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
11. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED 2 WAYS, AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU ANGRY OR SAD, WE MEANT IT THE OTHER WAY.
12. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING, OR YOU CAN TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE-if you already know how best to do it, then do it yourself.
13. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
14. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING" WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG.-we know your lying,but it's just not worth the hassle.
15. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.
.

[artomatic]

--A man can channel surf a football game, CSI, Sportscenter, and a movie, all at the same time, as long as he has watched the movie many times and has it memorized, and enjoy all of them.

--There is no more comfortable position for a man to watch TV than slouched on the couch with our hand underneath the front waistband of our pants, ala Al Bundy of "Married With Children".

--A man can look at his wife/girlfriend as she sleeps, while she is snoring, with drool coming out of the corner of her mouth, and think of sex.

--A man sees nothing wrong with taking a shower and then putting the same pair of underwear back on.

--Most guys own two pairs of shoes: a pair of athletic shoes and a pair of work shoes that he will someday be buried in.

--A man can watch a female olympic weightlifter from Korea, who outweighs him by 50 lbs, has facial hair, and whose arms are bigger than his legs, and at least wonder about sex.

--Much like an alligator has that special eyelid that cover its eyes and allows it to see underwater, a guy also has a special transparent eyelid that makes it impossible for him to see dirty floors, piled up laundry, and dirty dishes. It’s not that we don’t want to clean, it’s just that we just don’t see the dirt.

--A guy would rather stick needles in his eyes than go shopping. That’s why we wear clothes until they disintegrate.

--Most guys agree that beer makes the best gifts.

--Speaking of beer, anytime a guy is at a sports bar and is drinking wine instead of beer, other guys will subconsciously question his masculinity. So ladies, please don’t encourage your man to not drink beer in a public place.

--A guy’s idea of a productive day is if his favorite team gets a win.

WARNING: POLITICALLY INCORRECT!
--Anytime a story comes out about a female teacher who seduces her male student, most guys lament the fact that something like that never happened to them.

--If a guy walks into a women’s restroom, the women inside will scream, curse, and file a police report. If a woman walks into a men’s restroom, the men inside will part like the red sea, and cheer and clap loudly, all with big smiles on their faces.

--A man always thinks a fart is funny.

--A woman can fart right in front of a guy, and the guy will think about sex. If a man farts in front of a woman, she gets mad.

[GIMNEPIWO]

A man can see a picture of a pole barn and think about sex ... and beer

[THE MAD-DOG99]

A man can see a picture of a pole barn and think about sex ... and beer

Correction: A man can see a picture of ANYTHING and think about sex and beer..

[GIMNEPIWO]

A man can see a picture of a pole barn and think about sex ... and beer

Correction: A man can see a picture of ANYTHING and think about sex and beer..

I yield to the Master ...