History of the World (condensed)

[coachmatt]

For those that don't know about history. Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food is standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.



Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Hamms. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your position.

[Dugout Dad]

hehe

[jofus]

That reminds me, I need to stop on the way home today to pick up some beer

[NumeroUno]

[nohesitation]

Hats off to you coachmatt, if you wrote that, very creative. As a right of center conservative I find this hilarious. If Rush Limbaugh could be this creative I would start to listen to him again. In 1990 I stopped because he would just repeat himself, like most conservatives and that gets boring. Like Joe’s video of Rush bobbing back and forth in Skarp’s “discussing” post. So there you have it, I’m revealed.

[thedoanezone]

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

Exactly what I would expect from a conservative....revisionist history.....the wheel was invented thousands of years before beer. It only leads me to the conclusion that a lot of your other characterizations of the right are inaccurate...how else do you explain this:

[coachmatt]

thedoanezone


Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:17 pm
Posts: 148 Re: History of the World (condensed)
coachmatt wrote:
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:




Exactly what I would expect from a conservative....revisionist history.....the wheel was invented thousands of years before beer. It only leads me to the conclusion that a lot of your other characterizations of the right are inaccurate...how else do you explain this:


Attachments:

Dont fight it man....you cant change history....

and WTF does that picture mean??? Iwould surmise that either they already had a few or are on their way

[Supersuds]

That reminds me, I need to stop on the way home today to pick up some beer

Imported, with lime. .....

[jofus]

Michelob, actually.

I have to admit, though, I do tend to drink Corona's at Mexican restaurants, and Sapporo at the Japanese steakhouse. I drank Red Stripe when I was in Jamaica (not that there were many other choices).

When in Rome.....