leaving a team tactfully

[pafan]

She has a team that has asked her to play in the summer because they need her position (she's very good at her position--not pitching).

One example of the new coach on her current team (the one my DD is thinking of leaving) is that his daughter was swinging from the roof of the dugout during a game and the coach did nothing to settle her down. Also, there was a girl who was sitting who did not sit the entire tournament and, in the last game when she was sitting, batted her eyes at him and said, "Can't I please go in" and he put her in. (I just don't think these things amount to a good work ethic). I think that this is a guy whose daughter sat for a couple of years and who is now using his position to "get back" at the system and take revenge--on what, I'm not sure, but it seems like he's doing something. Someone told me that this coach has said he's going to make sure his daughter gets played in all the right positions when she needs to be there. That's the kind of stuff that worries me. Like I said, it is a team with over a ten-year history, but the coach for all those years has now retired. My DD did enjoy playing on this team in the past, but is not having fun (or so she says) under this new management.

If she switches, the new team will be playing only 6 tournaments next summer (compared to the 9-11 that the current team would be playing). The new team is also an hour closer to our house, but I have never minded driving for good coaching.

I have told my DD that it is her decision and I will support whatever she wants to do.

[Ace]

She has a team that has asked her to play in the summer because they need her position (she's very good at her position--not pitching).

One example of the new coach on her current team (the one my DD is thinking of leaving) is that his daughter was swinging from the roof of the dugout during a game and the coach did nothing to settle her down. Also, there was a girl who was sitting who did not sit the entire tournament and, in the last game when she was sitting, batted her eyes at him and said, "Can't I please go in" and he put her in. (I just don't think these things amount to a good work ethic). I think that this is a guy whose daughter sat for a couple of years and who is now using his position to "get back" at the system and take revenge--on what, I'm not sure, but it seems like he's doing something. Someone told me that this coach has said he's going to make sure his daughter gets played in all the right positions when she needs to be there. That's the kind of stuff that worries me. Like I said, it is a team with over a ten-year history, but the coach for all those years has now retired. My DD did enjoy playing on this team in the past, but is not having fun (or so she says) under this new management.

If she switches, the new team will be playing only 6 tournaments next summer (compared to the 9-11 that the current team would be playing). The new team is also an hour closer to our house, but I have never minded driving for good coaching.

I have told my DD that it is her decision and I will support whatever she wants to do.

Um, maybe too much time watching whats happening in the dug out. Seems weird, I dont think YOU will be happy staying.

[Cannonball]

Having done this but due to a different situation, I'd much prefer the "honesty approach." You are an adult. They are supposed to be adults. Be adults. The fit isn't what you'd prefer for your daughter. Thank them for the past. Move on. You don't have to be mean to be honest. You also don't have to be argumentative. I think those are the things that follow players and parents not mature decision acted on in a mature fashion.

[pafan]

Um, maybe too much time watching whats happening in the dug out. Seems weird, I dont think YOU will be happy staying.[/quote]


Sorry Ace if I wasn't clear. My DD noticed this, not me. I don't sit IN the dugout after all!

[Ace]

Um, maybe too much time watching whats happening in the dug out. Seems weird, I dont think YOU will be happy staying.

Sorry Ace if I wasn't clear. My DD noticed this, not me. I don't sit IN the dugout after all![/quote]
Oh good, that makes more sence! I have had parents bring up tiny details to me that would only bother them if they were watching (protecting) their daughters instead of supporting them. Those parents are NEVER happy.

[pafan]

Thanks to all for your responses. There is a collective wisdom on this board, that's for sure; it always gives me lots to think about (not just in this particular instance, but in relation to other issues, as well).

[GIMNEPIWO]

I suggest that you lie to the current Coach ... you lie to the other Parents ... Lie to the team that DD may be going to ... lie to the person at the concession stand and tell them that you already paid for your Chili Dog ... that way ... although the current Coach is not teaching your DD anything, at least you will be!
Seriously though ... my DD's left a team after they tried to communicate their concerns to the Coaches for a few weeks ... which fell on deaf ears ... then I drove them to the Coaches house and they handed in their stuff, gave him a hug and told him they were moving on ... then had a good cry ... I think it is a valuble lesson to teach your DD how to deal with this things and NOT do it for them ... if it truly is your DD who is unhappy and not just you, shouldn't you teach her the proper way to handle these things? .... after all, there is more at stake than softball ... afterwards, I wrote a thank you letter to the Coach ...

[Judd]

We have left a couple teams. Telling the coach why, didnt work out for me last time



Yes I was the major deciding factor in why she left but she was 11 playing on a poorly coached team struggling in B ball. She now starts on a strong team that will play A next summer. Shes happy, having fun and learning. So yes DADDY was unhappy

Was DD happy on old team? she liked the girls, hated loosing, and started disliking the coaches.

Now she is extremely happy


I just had to get that off my chest because some of you think that just cause daddy makes the decision, we dont have our kids best interest.




In general I would say why you were leaving but the way softball is, I would just say its not a good fit. If the coach asks, tell him then in a constructful way

[GIMNEPIWO]

Judd Meister ... Sorry if I seemed to come off as more Holy than Thou ... the OP was about a 14U ... not 12U or 10U ... and when my DD's left that team it was a 16U ... and they too loved the gals on the team and their Coaches ... even when they were getting hosed ! ... if they were 11 I think I would have been holding their hands at the very least, if not telling the Coach myself with them along side ... and "not a good fit" pretty well covers it ... but, as mine have gotten older ( 5 DD's aged 17-23 ) , I have seen the benefit of making them be responsible for their own decisions and accountable for their own actions ...

[Judd]

Its cool. I just have seen several posts here since I have been a member that indicate when a parent is unhappy, they yank their kid, against the kids wishes and that it is wrong to do. Yes sometimes we do. My kid also likes to stay up late, eat crappy food, etc.